In my quest to beef up my biography and make myself an interesting topic of conversation at the clinic, I am currently practicing to be a part of the witness relocation program. This entails moving from state to state a lot, changing my name and adjusting my wardrobe, sometimes two or 27 times a day.
I think it is important to pick names that are common so I am currently introducing myself as Fleshtiit Vergabby, but not THAT Fleshtiit Vergabby, I always say. I am the Fleshtiit with two "i"s.
Of course this will change tomorrow when my new alias will be Barbbara Walters. That's when I will have to explain to people that I am not THAT Barbara Walters, I am Barbbra with two "b"s.
Sheesh! Pay attention people!
Naturally, I will also have to explain why I have a mustache if I am supposed to be a woman and I know I'll have to go into a long-winded explanation on hormone replacement therapy. (Note to self: Find out what Hormone Replacement therapy means.)
Wardrobe is always an interesting dilemma for me as it is a vital part of any disguise in the program. I currently have a thing for plastic wigs because they are affordable, soft, safe, waterproof and allow me to blend seamlessly into a crowd of plastic-wig-wearing stool pigeons.
Plus, when the light is just so, the blonde one makes me look like Heather Loklear. But notTHAT Heather Locklear. I mean Heather Loklear with no "c".
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment