A letter to Mom

Dear Mom,

Just a short note to thank you for watering my plants while I was gone. As you know, I really needed the vacation and your help was greatly appreciated. 

All the best. Your loving son,

Terrence

P.S.

I happened to notice the faint smell of urine in my geraniums and was wondering if you had used filtered water like I mentioned in my chore list entitled "475 things you are responsible for while I am gone".  Just asking.  

Have a great week. Your curious son,

Terrence

P.P.S.

Before I left, I had a bit of time after packing and counted all the potato chips in the bag on the counter. When I returned, I was relaxing in my kitchen and just for fun decided to count the number of potato chips in the same bag again. I couldn't help but notice I was short 23 chips. Thinking that I had miscounted them, I had Ray, my neighbor, do an independent count and he verified my initial tally. Just to be sure, I called someone at Ernst & Young to see if we were both having an off day, mathematically speaking, but just as I suspected, 23 chips were missing. 

Do you happen to know where they might be? I know you're probably thinking "23 chips, what's the big deal?", and under normal circumstances I'd agree with you, it's just that I was planning a party this weekend for some friends at the penitentiary and I had calculated 23 chips per guest. Now, one of them will have to go without. That's no way to throw an event, especially since it was a "chip party" and all.    

I'm not pointing any fingers or implying anything here but I was wondering if you could submit yourself to a blood test. Just asking.

Say Hi to Dad. Your chip-less son,

Terrence

P.P.P.S.

I don't know if I mentioned this to you or not but I had installed a few hidden cameras throughout the house (23 coincidentally) and I was reviewing the tapes last night. Who was that guy dressed like a Fireman? He didn't look like Father. By the way, it was hard to tell from the way the camera was positioned but it looked like he was giving you CPR. Did something happen? Also, why was he not wearing pants? Is he part of the volunteer fire department? Just curious.

Take care. Your inquisitive boy,

Terrence

P.P.P.P.S

One more thing. Upon returning yesterday, I noticed my TV was missing. I'm not implying anything here, but when I said 'Help yourself to anything in the house' I didn't mean the electronics (or the chips). If you happen to "find" the TV somewhere, you know where to return it. 

Thanks again. Your son,

Terrence