Inside of me

Inside of me exists a strange and mysterious universe. It is like another world in there with its own unique ecosystem that can produce an incredible range of special science things like noises and aromas. 

In the event these undecipherable sounds and smells escape the world deep inside and enter our atmosphere, humans have been warned on many occasions to grab their children and run for cover. For these invisible things have the power to scare small chihuahuas and drive away elderly people. Believe me, I have seen the damage these mystifying savages can inflict on our society and it is not pretty.

Sometimes they infiltrate our world late at night when we sleep soundly in our beds. Sometimes it is during the day when you are having a meeting with the CEO of a company. There is no rhyme or reason to their methods of madness.

There have even been stories of entire rooms emptying after one of these sounds managed to break through a protective barrier of nylon gym shorts. Turns out it wasn't just one sound but a whole league of smells too. Like a trojan horse. Luckily, the only thing that was harmed in that incident were the nylon shorts. May they rest in peace.

I often wonder if I have misread the things that go on inside of me. Perhaps I am wrong and they are not foul-mouthed aliens speaking a coded language who are trying to take over our world. Maybe the inhabitants of the world inside of me are peace-loving, yet misunderstood. Are they trying to send me a message when, for instance, a stream of urine suddenly turns into a spray of orange? Are they warning me of some evil presence? Are they telling me they come in peace and only wish to be friends? Or are they saying "stop eating Cheezies and Kool-Aid. Have some fruits dammit." 

I guess I'll never know what goes on inside of me for I am not a doctor. Just ask any of the people I performed surgery on in the last year, their hideous scars will back me up on that fact.