I know you are a busy man, so I'll keep this short. Well, maybe short is not the right word given that you are a midget. Or dwarf. (Please verify in any future correspondence).
In any case, I am currently looking for new ways to market the release of my book and I was wondering if you would be interested in helping me achieve global recognition as an important author guy?
My sources tell me you haven't worked since Fantasy Island, so I'd like to hire you to tour with me when I do my press junket. I was thinking you could introduce me by saying something cute like Da Penis Boss! Da Penis!
People would find that funny.
Rest assured once my marriage to Oprah Winfrey happens I will have plenty of cash to compensate you. For the time being I can only offer you a discount coupon for platform shoeswhich you can redeem at Mel's Platform Shoe and Boot Emporium. I'd also be happy to give you my Verne Troyer growth chart which I outgrew 42 years ago. I'm sure it'll be perfect for you though (depending on whether you are a midget or dwarf, of course).
Let me know.
Terrence Paquet
Author of My Penis & other short pieces.
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