Something to fall back on

As many of you know I have a small fear that this writing thing will fall flat on its face, so I have been exploring the possibilities of a career in the exciting profession of celebrity stalking.  

If you Google the words "Celebrity Stalking" and I know many of you have already, you'll come up with more than 8 million hits so the field is nothing if not a competitive one. I am not sure what the pay is like but I believe the media attention you'd get from a job well done would be worth all the money in the world. 

As for job qualifications, your guess is as good as mine, but I think to be the best in the business you need a healthy dose of patience, good penmanship, a nervous tick and a nice repertoire of 'crazy' faces  for the inevitable mug shot on CNN.  

To prepare me for my first day on the job, I've purchased a pair of fresh underwear in the event one of my lucky subjects should fall in love with me. You never know. I've even waxed my you-know-what... just in case.

To show potential employers I am eager, I've taken the initiative of putting together a type of Starter Stalker Kit which includes binoculars for watching, Dr. Scholls Insoles for comfort, handy wipes for cleaning and a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken because licking your fingers in public is just plain scary. I've also printed some business cards that say Terrence Paquet Celebrity Stalker to hand out at Hollywood parties, movie premieres and soup kitchens. 

If you know of any stars that need to revive a sagging career or want the boost of publicity that comes from being followed by a stalker, then let me know. I'm not professional yet, but I'm a quick learner. Plus I'm willing to ply my trade on weekends, day and night and I'll work for nothing. Kind of like being a writer.