Caution

We hope you enjoy the rich aroma of our expertly-brewed Columbian coffee.

Please be advised that the contents of this cup are extremely hot. 

If large heat welts appear on your hands, you won’t be holding things for a long time. If your head catches fire, DO NOT pour the contents of the cup on your head. Contents are flammable. Also, do not panic the other patrons since business has been slow lately and we can use all the customers we can get. Call the fire department and remain inconspicuous.

Please be advised that the coffee beans used to make this beverage may have come into contact with mouse droppings, rat droppings and other things that the crime lab can’t identify. 

If you added sugar to this beverage, we suggest you lie down because, ha ha... that wasn't sugar. 

Consumption of this beverage may result in the use of a colostomy bag. If you are currently using a colostomy bag, thank you for coming back.

If anal bleeding occurs, maybe you should try drinking the coffee through your mouth.

If you get an erection while drinking this beverage, that’s sick. You’re in a coffee shop, man.  If you are a woman and you get an erection, you didn’t fool us. We saw your Adam’s apple when you walked in.

If this coffee suddenly tastes like cabbage, see your physician. If this coffee suddenly tastes like physician, see your cabbage. 

We hope you enjoy your beverage and we look forward to seeing you again.