Thank you for your order

Thank you for your order. We hope you enjoy your purchase.

Please allow four to six weeks for delivery. Make it ten, just in case. 

Please be advised that some settling may occur during shipment. Some breakage too. If the item you received does not match the item you ordered, that's strange.

If someone named Benny delivers your package,  do not make eye contact. If you do make eye contact, how come you didn't listen to us? 

If he asks for a glass of water, get him one, but lace the water with some kind of chemical that will knock him out so you'll have time to get away. Check our catalogue for products like that. 

If he asks to use your phone, tell him is it not working. Just pray the phone doesn't ring after you've said that because he doesn't like liars. If he asks to use your washroom, then let him, he really does have to go. 

If he asks you to sign a release form, do so, but don't use your real name. We suggest Mitchell Cartwright or Stewart Flink. If you sign Stewart Flink, Benny may become enraged because Stewart owes him $150. He also slept with Benny's wife last October. Go with Mitchell.

If someone named Simba delivers your package, do not make fun of his large ears. Also, do not make elephant noises when greeting him. Do not give him a bag of peanuts as a tip because he may get mad and trample all over you. And finally, do not ask him to stand on his hind legs and throw his "trunk" in the air. He won't like that.

If the delivery man's badge says Tom, do not be fooled, it is really Simba.

Once again thank you for your order. We hope you enjoy your purchase.