Stunt Man

As literary history has shown, launching a book is all about whipping the media into a frenzy so today I have come up with an ingenious marketing stunt in which I have wrapped myself in aluminum foil and barricaded myself in the house. I am not sure what the significance of the foil is, but it is flattering to my figure and will protect me in the event of an alien attack. 

Far from being a selfish manipulation of the press, I want this act of defiance to draw worldwide attention to the trials and tribulations of all people who are writing a book with the words "My Penis and other short pieces" in the title. I am hoping that the public will rally to their aid and donate much-needed cash to enable them the opportunity to enjoy the simple things in life like caviar, lobster and large homes in the hills of Tuscany.

For the record, it has been three hours since I pushed the fridge up against the front door and surprisingly not one police cruiser has come yet. I guess I probably have to call them, although that might seem a little desperate and go against the public persona I have worked so hard to construct. 

I did call CNN but got an answering machine so I left a message for Wolf Blitzer. 

I'm still waiting for a reply.