Like that day I locked Mrs. Jenson in the closet and told her I had misplaced the key and then I went and sold all her personal belongings for one dollar in a garage sale. Boy was her family ever angry at the funeral!
I guess my mistake was only asking for a buck. I could've probably got at least five times that.
Or the day I decided the nuns at St. Mary's Convent would benefit from seeing a real man's thingy (not mine). I presumed once they saw how disgusting it looks they would be even stronger in their resolve to serve the Lord. Wrong!
How was I to know Sister Theresa and Sister Anita would go crazy like that, leave the church and become permanent fixtures at the local tavern?
Talk about your hindsight.
Of course no recollection of mistakes would be complete without mentioning that time I stole a Pizza Hut car and delivered pizzas to the Dorm girls at the Community College wearing nothing but a cabbage leaf. Lets just say they were not too impressed. I hope they enjoyed their "special" toppings though. At least the delivery man was able to free himself from the trunk the next week.
The morning I urinated in the coffee at work would be on my list of mistakes I'd like to fix too. Who knew a yeast infection could be transmitted through watered-down java?
What am I, a doctor or something?
Looking at it all now, I guess my biggest mistake is owning up to all of these mistakes right here. Unless this is not really me talking and just some deranged guy who grabbed my laptop when I went to the toilet and is trying to implicate me in stuff I clearly did not do.
If that's the case, I'll get him back as soon as he takes that first sip of coffee.
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